I recently moved house and spent much of the past few weeks assembling furniture. There are many skills I’m proud of, but this is definitely not one of them! Still, every time I look at the shelves I’ve put together, I feel a strange sense of satisfaction. Turns out, we can value a slightly crooked piece of furniture we’ve assembled ourselves more than a perfectly built one.
Yet more and more everyday tasks are being done for us. We order takeaway instead of cooking, get AI to write our emails, follow GPS instead of finding our own way, and let algorithms decide what to watch next. All of this saves us time and effort. And that’s a good thing, right?
Not necessarily. We spend our lives trying to make everything easier, yet some of the things that make life worth living require difficulty.
The science of comfort
Psychologists have found that while we generally dislike effort, we also tend to value what it produces. A study found that putting effort into something can make the outcome feel more rewarding. Sometimes, we even choose difficult activities precisely because they challenge us. Think of running a marathon, learning an instrument, or building something from scratch. The effort isn’t just a cost we pay to get the reward; it can be part of the reward itself.
The problem is that we quickly get used to things getting easier. Researchers call this hedonic adaptation. When our circumstances improve, the initial boost in happiness often fades as our expectations adjust. What once felt like a luxury becomes our new baseline.
But a comfortable life can still feel empty if nothing challenges us or changes how we see the world. That’s why we shouldn’t chase a sense of comfort. Instead, researchers have proposed we should also optimize for psychological richness.
In essence, a good life isn’t just about feeling happy, but also about having interesting, varied, and perspective-changing experiences. And these experiences aren’t always pleasant. Sometimes they involve uncertainty, frustration, or struggle.
How to get comfortable with discomfort
The answer isn’t to make life unnecessarily difficult, but to become more intentional about which difficulties we avoid.
• Start with tiny experiments. Research suggests that constantly escaping uncomfortable situations can reinforce our fears. Try something you’re not good at. Visit unfamiliar places without planning every detail. Experiments can act as a reminder that discomfort is something you can handle.
• Seek more flow. Flow has been linked to positive well-being, especially when you’re working on something challenging but within reach of your abilities. Playing music, writing, programming, or practising a sport can all create opportunities for flow. The sweet spot is being stretched just enough to grow.
• Add a little friction back into your life. Before asking AI to generate an idea, spend ten minutes thinking about it yourself. Before outsourcing a task, ask whether doing it might teach you something. Use tools to remove tedious work, but not the thinking, creating, and problem-solving that make the work meaningful.
Of course, not every struggle is worthwhile and there’s nothing inherently wrong with comfort. We need rest, safety, and moments when life asks nothing of us. My point isn’t to glorify being busy or stressed. But there’s a difference between making space for comfort and designing a life around avoiding discomfort.
As I look around my new home, I’m grateful for all the things that have made moving easier. But I’m also glad I spent those frustrating hours figuring out how to assemble the furniture myself. The shelves may not be perfect, but every time I walk past them, I feel a little proud. So perhaps that’s the point here: sometimes, the things that challenge us are the very things that make us feel most alive.