We spend a lot of time worrying. About work, money, friends, family, the future. For most people, it’s not the kind of paralyzing worry that prevents us from getting anything done. It’s more akin to background noise which we can be pretty good at ignoring. But it’s still there.
It makes it harder than we’d like to fall asleep, and it sometimes hinders our decision-making when we focus on what could go wrong instead of what could go right. Worrying can lead to fatigue and irritation. If it’s so bad for us, why do we worry? Why is it that such an anxiety-inducing mental state is so common?
Worrying is rewarding
Despite all our efforts, we have very little control over our lives. We cannot guarantee outcomes based on effort only. We put in the work, but the future is uncertain. We could get sick, lose someone, miss an important meeting. The number of imponderables is infinite.
So we keep asking ourselves: what if…?
And research suggests that excessive worriers have beliefs about the positive consequences of worrying, which reinforces their worrying behavior.
“Each time we worry and nothing bad happens, our mind connects worry with preventing harm,” explains Dr Seth Gillihan, a professor of psychology at the University of Pennsylvania. We unconsciously think that, after all, it was a good thing to be worried.
A study assessing positive beliefs about worry identified four main factors which may explain why worrying feels, paradoxically, so rewarding:
- Proactive problem solving. We feel like worrying helps us be more aware of a situation and be better prepared to face it. It might encourage us to come up with more alternative ways to solve a potential problem and avoid the most negative consequences. We see worry as a tool to adopt more productive attitudes, making us responsible, prudent people—the adults in the room.
- Protection from negative emotions. Worrying feels like it may help us not be caught off guard and be less disappointed if something bad actually happens. We feel like we won’t be as upset if we predicted that particular negative outcome.
- Positive self-perception. We might see a tendency to worry as a positive personality trait. Worrying about other people may confirm—in our own eyes or the eyes of others—that we are a sensitive, considerate, caring person. We may even feel like people around us would be disappointed if we didn’t worry about them. We basically conflate worrying with being a good person.
- Magical thinking. Finally, we may think that the act of worrying itself can reduce the risk of something bad happening, which, for some people, can be superstitious.
Remarkably, the first factor alone accounted for 32% of the variance in scores in the study. While the authors noted the relatively small sample size, they thought it was worth highlighting the apparent importance of problem solving and motivation.
This factor is particularly relevant for people who are problem-solvers. There’s a fine line between worrying and problem-solving. Worrying is about letting your mind dwell on problems without a systematic approach, often leading to anxiety. Problem-solving is about applying creative strategies and mental models to specific problems.
Staying up at night, your mind racing, imagining all of the potentially negative outcomes of a decision—this is worry. Sitting down with a notepad, pen in hand, ready to sketch a mind map and identify potential solutions—this is problem-solving.
Mindful ways to manage worry
So, how can we manage worry? Is it possible to completely eliminate it? The truth is, no—worry is a natural part of life which we can’t avoid entirely.
However, while you may not be able to get rid of it altogether, there are simple strategies that can help you reduce its impact. By learning to recognize and manage worry, you can create more mental space for peace and focus.
- Awareness. The first step to managing worry is becoming aware of it. Notice when you start worrying, and instead of trying to push the feeling away, take a moment to study it. Why are you worried? What’s the root cause? This is the power of metacognition: simply acknowledging and understanding what your mind is doing allows you to engage with your worry more intentionally.
- Boundaries. Even with second-level thinking, it’s impossible to predict every outcome—and that’s okay. Uncertainty is an inherent part of being alive. While we can’t control everything that happens in life, that doesn’t mean we should hold back from living fully. Setting mental boundaries around what you can and cannot control will help you live with less worry and more freedom.
- Calm. Worry is often linked to stress and anxiety. To calm your nervous system, try one or several calming exercises. Breathe slowly, stretch, or meditate. Take a long bath or read a good fiction book. Go for a walk. Watch a movie. While you should not run away from challenges, taking your mind off things for a specified amount of time can restore your sense of calm and improve your ability to think clearly.
Awareness, boundaries, calm… This is the ABC of managing worry in a mindful way. These strategies are simple, but it doesn’t mean they’re always easy to apply. Dealing with worry often means confronting our fears—whether it’s fear of failure, fear of judgment, or fear of missing out on a better option.
Acknowledging our limited control can feel unsettling, but it’s crucial so we can move forward. Instead of wasting mental energy on outcomes we can’t predict or control, we can focus on our output.
Of course, leaving your worries behind takes practice. It’s in our nature to worry. And sometimes, worry creeps on us when we least expect it. But by becoming more aware of your thoughts, setting healthy boundaries around what you can and cannot control, and actively working to calm your mind, you can make worry more manageable.
Over time, this process can help you become more compassionate, productive, and creative. In the end, you may even learn how to worry well—using it as a tool for growth rather than letting it hold you back.